School’s out, the nights roll in just like a long lost friend you ain’t seen in a while, and you can’t help but smile. :)
Broken, yet beautiful.
My testimony is not one of extreme miracles. It’s not the best one you’ve heard.
But it’s my story, and it shows that Jesus is to be praised.
I come from a line of pretty strong Christians — my mom’s parents lead a huge ministry and my grandpa is a Baptist pastor. My dad’s parents lead a deaf ministry in the churches in Memphis. My aunt publishes Christian books. My great-aunt and her husband have been on 15+ mission trips.
So it was safe to assume that I would become a Christian as well. It was part of the family heritage, if you will. When I was 9, I accepted Jesus into my heart. But it wasn’t from conviction. I just felt like people had pressured me about it for so long, that I just had to. I was baptized in July of the following year. After being saved, I did try my hardest to be a better person, and to help my mother more. I occasionally tried to “think the way Jesus would” in a situation. But other than that, nothing changed in me. I was never convicted, never in the word other than on Sunday mornings, and I never witnessed to others.
Being homeschooled, I have had a difficult time finding opportunities to witness to people. But boy, have I found out that there are ways to witness, even in your own church.
When I was 16, we moved to Tennessee. Within four months, we found a decent church, with a good variety of age groups. Several of the students in the youth group reached out to me and my siblings, and I was immediately captivated by the love that the church has.
That summer, my parents allowed me and my sister to go to church camp. My eyes were completely opened to an entire new world, filled with Jesus and His love for His people. A handfull of the students really encouraged me to work on my relationship with Jesus, and to this day, they are still some of my greatest friends. I spent the summer with them, and I fell head over heels for the most amazing man of God I’ve ever known.
After several months of ups and downs with myself and my feelings, I brought myself to get over him. I then met the boy who would become my future pursuer. The first one I’d ever had.
If there’s one thing I want you to learn from my testimony, it’s that you wait for the Lord’s timing. Don’t, under any circumstances, take it into your own hands.
I met him in the church, with everyone that I knew and trusted. I assumed he’d be the same as everyone else.
But I was proven wrong. Within two months of being together, he was already crossing lines. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I slowly started letting go of Jesus, and holding stronger to my significant other. A spiritual darkness came over me, and I wasn’t interested in praying or worshipping Jesus. In any way, shape, or form. All I wanted was to be around this guy that called himself my boyfriend.
After eight months, too much damage had been done. He crossed too many lines, broke too many things, and didn’t care a thing. I was stuck in a relationship with a person that repeatedly assaulted me and made me feel sick to my stomach. The one person that was supposed to make me feel safe, was the one that I had to find safety from. After three more months, I left. Couldn’t do it anymore.
I spun into a crazy whirl-wind of depression, self-harm, and self-hate. I found out so many things about the guy I loved — I never once mattered, he hated the way I was raised, he couldn’t stand my friends or my family.
I had every right to die. Every reason to die. I had sinned greatly in the eyes of Jesus, and He knew it. I had forsaken Him in every way possible, and I had my ex telling me that I should die. That I had no worth.
So, after a month, I decided. I was gonna do it. The person I cared the most about told me that I didn’t matter, that I wasn’t worth anything, and that I was never going to find love. I locked my bedroom door, sat on my bed, and tried to psyche myself up to it.
But then suddenly, I started singing. Singing a song of praise to Jesus. It snapped me out of my mindset for a split second, but that was all it needed.
I was drawn into the Word, and I listened to praise song after praise song until it all came crashing down. I let it all out. I realized how horrible I had treated my Lord. I realized that EVERY thing I did with this guy cut Him like a knife. I realized that He felt the same way about me that I did about that guy that I liked over the summer. And I realized that I broke His heart when I let go of Him and held onto this guy that I had been with.
And yet He was there by my side through all the pain that I caused Him. He never left me, and never once thought of deserting me. He knew I was worth it.
The day after I gave it all back to Jesus, that sweet boy from summertime asked me to go to prom with him. He treated me like a princess, and I felt such worth. Jesus uses every opportunity to bless the ones who love Him.
I’m here to tell you that you will have trials. I had always been ashamed of my testimony — I was saved because everyone else in my family was. And then Jesus brought me to the darkness, He brought me through the valley. Like Proverbs 20:30 says,
“Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways.”
You’re going to have trials. You’re going to be hurt, emotionally and physically. But Jesus uses those pains for His glory. And in the end, that’s all that ever matters.
In the past three months, my spiritual life has been a constant climb upward. I learn more and more about my Lord every day, and I become less and less ashamed of Him. I want to shout His name from the highest building, and text it to every person in my phonebook.
He alone was able to heal me of my scars and He alone is worthy of my heart.
I may be forever broken physically, but spiritually, I am beautiful to Christ.
Instead of spending your time looking for someone that fits your standards (and whining about it when they don’t show up), spend your time living up to those same standards. Your future mate has expectations, too.
caitlyn elisabeth.
I believe in modesty, not scantiness. I believe in purity, not cheapness. I believe in courting, not dating. I believe in Godly young men, not immature boys. I believe in love, not lust.
I wouldn’t be a good Christian if I didn’t stand up for my convictions, and had no fear in doing so.
“Count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.” Matthew 5:11-12 (MSG)
Every time you criticize me and my morals, remember that you are blessing me. I thank you for that.
I’m just a girl, broken, yet beautiful in the eyes of Christ.
He’s my hero. :)
Seriously the luckiest girl at prom. ♡
PROM IS TONIGHT OMG I CAN’T EVEN SIT STILL I NEED SLEEP BUT I’M NOT TIRED AHHHHH GUYS I’M GOING TO EXPLODE FROM EXCITEMENT I CAN’T WAIT.
AHHHHHHHHH.
AHHH MY DRESS IS HERE. The straps ♡
